Part I: Rendezvous with Grief

A Broader Definition

Grief is a mainstream word but not always used accurately - kind of like how people (me) misuse emigrated and immigrated; or mix up affect and effect (also me).

For most of my adult life I thought “for all intents and purposes” was all intense purposes. Which, I kind of like better, to be honest. It feels more accurate.

Also, for most of my life I thought grief was something you experienced on the rare occasion that a loved one passed away.

I’m sure, dear reader, you caught the naivety and privilege in that belief. You’re not wrong….

I could never write a guide or even recommend how to grieve. How could anyone? But still, I can’t help but write about it. Especially since I only feel we just formally met (Grief and I).

When Grief came knocking abruptly last year, I took it as a divine invitation. I wanted to grow from it, not shrink. I wanted to understand.

That meant not responding from my conditioning, what I’d been taught, witnessed, or inherited.

I needed to know what Grief and loss meant to me.

I started at the beginning by referring to my advisor, Google, and located the dictionary definition of grief: “deep and poignant distress (sorrow).”

Already I was skeptical.

I mean, it wasn’t totally wrong. It just felt incomplete. I didn’t know much, but it felt like grief was more process-oriented than a long-term emotional state, like sorrow.

That definition felt too one dimensional for the complexity. Grief is so much more texturized and personal…. isn’t it?

And don’t we all grieve differently?

So how do I define it? Embody it?

And why bother defining it? Well, for me, I can’t move through something I don’t understand.

So, I packed my emotional bags and took an intentional rendezvous with Grief.

Literally translated, rendezvous means, “present yourself.”

And present itself, it did.

And present myself, I did.

It was a beautiful coming home that was simultaneously terrifying and incredibly disruptive.

It showed me how sneakily I’d been organizing my life around perceived safety and comfort; but the scaffolding was rotting and my ladder was leaning against the wrong wall.

I was building a house I didn’t want to live in.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

If you, too, also like deep thinking, meaning making, and the idea of meeting yourself, I hope there are pieces of my story that resonate, or spark something in you.

The following reflections are my rendezvous with Grief (part II coming soon).

If you’d like to see more behind the scenes you can find me on IG @highly_sensitive_entrepreneur or on FB @jenpillipow

Until next time.